Not What I Expected

By now I should be doing the final designs on my home and concrete should be pouring in a few weeks, but none of that is happening.

After many back and forth conversations with banks and builders, the reality hit in February that this dream was not coming true. At least not for now.

So as we finished our first winter and are rolling into spring, we are stuck between a rock and a hard place. All our expendable cash is now invested in this land that won’t see a home built on it while we own it.

Hoping someone else can afford to do what we couldn’t, we cross fingers that driving our rig out of here in May means we are moving to a new wheel-less abode, and someone else is building their dream, and not a RV Park while we wait to return for winter.

When we set out on this journey I never expected to feel so much defeat and angst. My kids want a “real” home, and have, on occasion, reminded me that this was not their idea.

I look around and see happy young couples, who are able to somehow afford the American dream and still have time to park and pick up their kids from school with seemingly not a care in the world. All the while, I am looking for a second job that will surely mean rushing from one place to the next, all so we can just afford to even look at houses.

Why is that? First, he jobs here certainly don’t support the cost of housing, they just don’t pay enough. And Secondly, too many retirees and otherwise rich people have made this a retirement/vacation destination. They are rolling in with their equity from homes they’ve paid off, and that have doubled (sometimes tripled) in value. Meaning they can afford expensive homes, and are driving up home values and the cost of building for those who could barely afford what a house “should” cost.

Well, my star struck, dreamy eyes have played me the fool and left me (and the family) with the feeling of “this is not what I (we) expected”. Im starting to think that being on the east coast somewhere (by now), still wandering, would have been a better choice. But reality is what it is, no matter how disappointing, and we are finding ways to make it ok.

So for now, we wander in place, in limbo between settled and not, and learn new things about ourselves and each other daily. Such as: We watched the eclipse while standing in the driveway under a star filled sky; have listened to owls call each other at sunset; have roasted s’mores over a muddy fire pit; and found joy in watching the spring birds arrive at our feeders.