Tough Choices

I’ll start by saying that most of the journey so far has been a no brainer. Really, who could turn down the option to spend a year learning and growing side-by-side with your kids and husband. There were so many days recently where I didn’t know who we, or I were anymore.

That being said, there have been a few hard choices through the process and that’s what this blog is about. Those decisions which seem to make sense now that I’ve had time to process them, but still leave tiny bits of doubt if I allow.

First was the decision to leave the cat behind. We got her at the shelter after the kids begged us to look. Their favorite babysitter started taking them to pet the cats and walk the shelter dogs. They fell in love with a cat named Cheeks, but alas Cheeks was not still there by the time we gave in. A great second choice landed us with Tinka. She was the absolutely best pound cat anyone could ask for. So after having her 6 years, we had the hard decision to let her go to a new home or run the chance of her getting out somewhere along the way and leaving her defenseless if we had to move on before she found her way home. We couldn’t live with ourselves if that happened. So we found her a good home (we hope) and she will stay in Valdez.

Second was my car. I don’t like the idea of attachment to any item, but growing up having a car of my own my entire driving years has been a symbol of my freedom. The ability to go where I want, alone or with others, has been the foundation of my independence, my way out if needed. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, but I’m a realist and know full well that people change, and if it ever did not work out I have always felt at least some level of comfort knowing I am not solely dependent on my husband or anyone else. I’ve seen too many times where the wife has nothing when things go sideways, and that was not going to be me. So, getting rid of my car was a fairly emotional moment.

And finally, the last thing I struggled with was minimizing the things my mom had given me over the years. Little notes, trinkets, crocheted blankets, etc. all symbols of her, had to be sorted and downsized. See, she passed away four years and two days ago after battling cancer. She was a trooper throughout, but the fact that I was living over 3000 Miles away during the hardest parts made it so I could not be there as often as I should have been. That realization, that I let the other parts of life keep me from being there for her, really makes this journey so much more important. See, my mom and I had just become friends sometime after my 23rd birthday when we started road tripping together. She loved the freedom of hitting the road for hours or days on end as much as I did. We had gone from Southern California to Oregon to visit my grandma a number of times together and then she helped me get my car to and from Florida when I was over there for work. The pictures of us at every states welcome sign still bring a smile to my face. So when deciding what to keep I decided to keep the things that would make me think of her.

The photos I had In hard copy I kept, and those I only had electronically I put into a printed photo book. I also kept some notes and cards from her and a few of her favorite blankets. The rest I keep as memories in my head. And though I think she would have a few choice words for our decision to take this journey, I also think that the adventurer side of her would have wanted to jump in an RV herself and go along for the ride.

The point is, we can come up with things that keep us back both mentally and physically, but with the right amount care we can push those boundaries and find the ways to make it all work. Ultimately I think it will be life changing for the better!

~S